August 6, 2012 0
Monica Foster commentary: Sometimes embodying the gift of which I do is a blessing – other times it’s terrifying…
Let me cut through the crap…the Los Angeles porn industry is gasping for air as it faces it’s final days of the “old ways”. Hardly ANYONE is stupid enough to attempt to enter the Los Angeles porn industry nowadays – thanks to the internet the TRUTH about the Los Angeles porn industry criminals has been revealed and the world now knows that the foundation of the Los Angeles porn industry is illegal escorting and prostitution.
Porn Valley’s “new recruits” numbers are dwindling – why do you think favors have had to be called in to push James Deentarded into the mainstream?
Well now it appears that in a final effort to lure unsuspecting youngsters into the Los Angeles porn industry, someone has had the bright idea to push the message: “Hey – if you come into the porn industry and suck and fuck a few cocks you could become a POP STAR!” Yep – that’s the message they’re tapping Bree Olson to push to all the teenagers out there via this newest venture – an all girl band called “Tight”.
I hate to say it, but Bree Olson and Tight is ONLY THE BEGINNING. Something far more sinister is on the horizon and I know what it is…a PORNSTAR BOYBAND featuring Los Angeles porn’s top “straight” MALE stars…and THAT will be the final nail in the coffin.
You know you want to act on this LA porn industry losers and psychopaths…you KNOW this idea appears to be the BEST way to attract all those young, sweet BARELY LEGAL teens into your hell on earth (and don’t forget that lucrative gay male audience the Pornstar Boyband will attract that you’ll be able to milk on the downlow).
Look, I’ll even tell you HOW to deliver this little brainchild into reality:
- Pull Will Ryder’s funding on the Wizard of Oz parody – that’s just Deentarded – instead lock him in the basement of the Kink armory for a couple of weeks and beat / fuck the shit out of his ass till he manages to write about 9 sub par pop tracks based on Backstreet Boys and N’Sync music.
- Next, give Lucifer’s son Caggiano over at the Screaming O a call and have him set up concert showcases for the Pornstar Boyband at all the colleges he’s invaded with his sex toys (I’m sure Diane Duke and Dr. Chauntelle can assist if needed).
- After that, have the webmasters over at Manwin create a few websites and pay off Google and facebook to tweek the traffic ranking numbers to make it seem like this new pornstar Boyband has gone VIRAL.
- Lastly, get Steve Hirsch to call in a few favors at TMZ (as he usually does) so that the Pornstar BoyBand can be involved in some sort of manufactured scandal – that way get even more attention.
- Now of course, once the Pornstar Boyband has been successfully cemented into the subconscious of every teen girl in America (should only take about 3 weeks) you have to to “leak” a sex tape for each member – that’s how you REALLY make your money – I’d suggest you release the tapes through Vivid considering how Hirsch will help you out with TMZ and all…
Come on LA porn – steal this idea and MAKE MY DAY (oh and if you do this you owe me a substantial percentage of the profits). One more thing…here’s an idea for the name of the Pornstar BoyBand: “50 Shades”
“The biggest challenge a porn star band faces is being taken seriously. These are very talented musicians but not everyone is willing to give them a chance,” said Olson. If you were wondering what kind of music porn stars like to make, singer and bandmember Kelley Jean ha a “raspy blues growl, soulful voice, and dance techno vibe.” Sounds interesting, doesn’t it?
The porn star band also features adult actress, Alicia Andrews. Bree Olson signed on as a manager to help promote “Tight” and to help book gigs and what not. So far, they aren’t even on the musical map so to speak, but they are all hopeful that “Tight” will make it. It is unknown whether or not they plan on releasing an album, but it seems like they are just trying to book shows and spread the word.
Despite the fact that Andrews, Jean, and Olson are porn stars, they might be good at this whole music thing. You never know what you can succeed in unless you try. And try they are.
A porn star band doesn’t come around every day so check them out… it might be better than you think.